An Open Letter to Everyone on the 9 Bus Last Friday:
What is wrong with you people?
Fat kid: I'm sitting on an empty bus, reading Banner of Heaven, listening to Generic Pop Band. EMPTY. BUS. And you come sit down right next to me? Fuck you. Are you fucking kidding? You smell like a shit burrito because you apparently don't know what deodorant is, and you're the size of two bus seats. Sit on the other side of the bus from me. I hope you get diabetes.
Bus driver: So the bus is full. That's really nice for you. It's a new bus, with a nice loudspeaker system. That does not imply that you must use the loudspeaker literally the entire time I'm on the bus. I hate you. I don't want to listen to you hit on Sheree who waved at you from the back of the bus (insert racist Rosa Parks joke here). Just fuck my mouth, I'll hate it less. You sound like a black Tom Waits. It bears repeating that I hate you.
The attractive girls who weren't there: Where were you? I had to stare at a fat girl's tits the whole ride because that was the best thing around. Needs me some eye candy, ladies. I might not fuck you but what am I supposed to do without some spank bank material? Talk to you? Fat tittied chance.
Most annoying bus ride ever. Fuck you people.
Love
Me
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