The Aristocrats

I just watched the documentary on the joke The Aristocrats (www.thearistocrats.com if you haven't heard of it). I've always thought this was the funniest joke I've ever heard with possibly the worst punchline ever.

I'm going to go ahead and bastardize it by retelling it.

Warning: This is so. fucked. up.

So, this young family - Dad, Mom, their daughter, their son, and the dog - barges into a talent agent's office and tells him they're his dream come true; they're going to make him rich. The talent agent says, "I can't even sign you people. Nobody wants to see a family act in this day and age."
But the family is persistant.
"Just let us show you our act one time, we promise you'll be so impressed you'll sign us on the spot."
The talent agent tells them they have five minutes.

Immediately, everybody gets buck naked.

The dad punches the mom right in the face as hard as he can and the son starts having sex with her unconscious body. The dad bends the daughter over the desk and starts fucking her ass as hard as he can. The dog starts barking furiously then, shaking, pees all over the unconscious mom's face.

The stream of hot doggy piss startles the mom back to consciousness and she starts moaning uncontrollably as the son rails her old cunt with his herpes-infested, crooked penis. The son starts biting her nipples until they start to bleed. The dad stops fucking his daughter's ass and she runs over and takes a huge dump on the mom's face. The mom, covered in dog piss and daughter shit, pushes the son off of her and rolls over to the dog. She begins to fellate it as the husband takes up position and starts fucking the dog's asshole.

The daughter starts eating out the son's asshole while she gives him a reacharound. The son is leaning over the desk and winking at the talent agent.

The dog starts throwing up from the force of having a human penis jammed into it over and over again, and the projectile vomiting hits the daughter, son, and agent. The mom, ceasing the canine fellatio, starts cutting her wrists with an ink pen and screaming about her dead father. Blood, needless to say, gets everywhere. The father pulls out of the dog and lays a five-roper down on the dog's back, as well as elsewhere.

The entire family collapses in the pile of blood, shit, piss, and cum that's collected in the middle of the floor and everybody just starts sucking and fucking each other. The dad's blowing the son, the daughter's going down on the mom, the mom's shoving a big black dildo in the dad's ass, and the dog is licking the daughter's asshole.

The mom, apparently a squirter, blasts a load of poon juice all over the daughter's face and dog's back at the exact same time the son comes all over the dad.

Everybody collapses on the floor for about ten seconds in the pile of cum, shit, piss and blood, and then suddenly they all jump up and take a synchronized bow.

The talent agent, when he regains his ability to speak and move, wipes some fluid detritus off his suit and asks the only question that comes to mind.
"Well...what do you call yourselves?"
And the dad steps forward and proudly proclaims, "The Aristocrats!"




I feel dirty.